To the woman who's still overthinking that conversation from last week.
This one's for you.
People love to say they don't care what others think about them. Like it's some badge of honour. Proof that they're evolved, confident, and strong.
I don't buy it.
Unless you're truly disconnected from your emotions, or genuinely enlightened, in which case, congratulations -I don't think it's actually possible to not care what people think about you. I care. I care deeply. I care if someone is disappointed in me. I care if someone misunderstands me. I care if someone I love feels hurt by something I said or did.
And I don't think that makes me weak.
The difference is, I've learned how to hold it. I've learned how to be okay with the fact that not everyone will like me. That I won't be everyone's favorite. That sometimes people will outgrow me, or judge me, or pull away , andd that it doesn't mean I've done something wrong.
It still stings. I still feel it. But I don't let it decide who I become.
This is where so many of us get confused. We think the goal is to stop caring altogether. But that only leads to more heartache. The goal is to care about the right things.
We've turned "I don't care what people think" into a script. A line we repeat at home, at work, with friends. A way to protect ourselves from disappointment, rejection, or the sting of not being chosen.
But the more we repeat that line, the more disconnected we become - from other people and from ourselves. What we're really doing is pushing away the very human part of us that craves belonging. And that part doesn't need to be shut down. It needs to be acknowledged.
Pretending not to care isn't a sign of confidence. It's armour, and it's exhausting to wear.
I think about the day I left my corporate job.
Not because I want anyone else to do the same, but because it was the first time I made a major decision that wasn't about proving something. It wasn't about being impressive. It wasn't about controlling what people would think of me.
It was the first time I let fear be in the room, but not in charge.
Of course I cared what people would think. Would they say I gave up? Would they think I was reckless? Would they wonder if I'd failed and was just licking my wounds? All of that was there. I just didn't let it be the reason I stayed.
For once, I cared more about what I thought. About the way I was showing up in my life. About what I knew I couldn't keep doing. About the version of me I didn't want to become if I kept pushing through.
No one else had to live with the headaches, exhaustion, anxiety, and quiet dread that my career had become. Only me.
Here are some signs that caring what others think has crossed a line from healthy to harmful.
If any of these felt familiar, you're not alone. Most high-achieving women have been doing this for so long it feels like second nature. It's not. It's a pattern. And patterns can change.
The next time your default reaction is "I don't care what they think" - pause. Try these instead.
Not what they think. Not what they might say. What's your own honest assessment of how you handled it? This is the opinion that matters most and it's usually the one we skip over fastest.
You can't control how people receive you. You can control how you show up. Focus your energy on the thing you can actually influence.
This one is harder. But it's the most important. Because most of the time, the answer is yes. You will be okay. You don't need their understanding to move forward. You just need your own.
You're allowed to care what people think. That's not the problem.
The problem is when we care so much about other people's opinions that we stop listening to our own. When we outsource our self-worth to people who aren't living our life, carrying our fears, or making our decisions.
You don't have to be unbothered to be grounded. You don't have to be cold to be strong. You don't have to stop caring.
You just have to care about the right things.
The way you feel about yourself; that's the opinion that deserves your loyalty.
Working with a coach is one of the most effective ways to untangle people pleasing, rebuild self-trust, and start making decisions that are actually yours. At Revie, we match women with coaches who specialise in exactly this: confidence, identity, and learning to back yourself
