If I see one more toxic manager failing upward into a leadership position, I might scream.
We know that your manager has a bigger impact on your mental health than almost anyone else in your professional life, right? And yet somehow, the people who are worst at managing other humans keep ending up in charge of them.
Toxic managers make my blood boil. Some are toxic by choice. Others are toxic by accident. But here's the thing: intent never diminishes impact. Whether your boss means to make your life difficult or not, the effect on your confidence, your wellbeing, and your performance is very real.
If you're currently dealing with a toxic manager and wondering whether you're overreacting, you're not. And you're not alone. Here's how to identify what you're dealing with, understand why it's happening, and start taking back some control.
Toxic management doesn't always look the same. Here are the four most common types and what makes each of them so damaging.
This one is sneaky because they seem lovely on the surface. They're upbeat, enthusiastic, and act like your best friend. The problem is they have zero emotional intelligence for anything below that cheerful exterior.
Bad things happen at work. Projects fail. Teams struggle. Clients are difficult. A good manager helps you navigate those challenges honestly. The toxic positivity manager responds to every problem with "but let's focus on the positives!" which leaves you feeling unseen, unheard, and completely unsupported when things actually get hard.
A manager who lets you get on with things sounds like a dream. And for a while, it might be. But the ghost takes hands-off management to a damaging extreme.
They're never available when you need direction. They don't weigh in on strategy or help you navigate difficult decisions. You figure everything out yourself, which means you also carry all the risk. And yet, somehow, when things go well, they're front and center to take the credit.
You probably don't need much explanation here. The micromanager doesn't trust you to do your job, which means they're constantly in your business. They check in too often, question every decision, and make it nearly impossible to build confidence in your own work because nothing ever feels like yours.
The damage is subtle but significant. Over time, micromanagement teaches you to doubt your own judgment. You start to internalise the idea that you can't be trusted, even when nothing you've done warrants that.
This is the most traditional version of the toxic manager. They take credit for your work, speak to you with contempt, and have somehow convinced themselves that being harsh is the same as being honest. They often dress it up as "radical candour" or "high standards." It isn't either of those things.
This type of manager is dangerous because they can make you feel like you're the problem. You're not. Unkind management is never acceptable, regardless of how it's framed.
Understanding the why doesn't excuse the behavior. But it does make it a lot easier to stop taking it personally.
At the core of almost every toxic management behaviour is insecurity. The ghost is afraid of being exposed as someone who doesn't know the answers. The micromanager is afraid of losing control. The unkind manager is afraid of being challenged. The toxic positivity manager is afraid of anything that disrupts the performance of competence they've built.
Once you see the fear underneath the behaviour, it becomes harder for that behaviour to define how you see yourself. Their toxicity is about them. It doesn't have to be yours to carry.
The research on this is clear: your direct manager has an outsized impact on your mental health, your job satisfaction, and your sense of self at work. A toxic manager doesn't just make your days harder. Over time, they can affect your confidence, your sense of identity, and the way you show up in every other area of your life.
If any of these feel familiar, it's not a reflection of your ability. It's the environment you're in.
Dealing with a toxic manager is genuinely hard. There's no magic fix. But there are things you can do to protect yourself and start to regain a sense of control.
Sometimes the most powerful first step is simply getting clear on what you're dealing with. Write it down. Say it out loud to someone you trust. Naming it makes it harder to gaslight yourself into thinking you're overreacting.
This is easier said than done, but it's the most important thing you can do. Your manager's inability to lead well is not evidence of your inability to perform well. Try to hold those two things as separate.
If things escalate or you need to involve HR, having a clear record of specific incidents, dates, and impacts is invaluable. Keep a private log and be as factual as possible.
A career or confidence coach can be one of the most effective tools for navigating a toxic workplace. Not because they'll tell you what to do, but because they'll help you see the situation clearly, reconnect with your own judgment, and figure out what you actually want to do next - whether that's managing up, setting boundaries, or finding your way out.
Not every toxic manager situation is fixable. Sometimes the most important decision you can make is to stop trying to fix it and start investing that energy in finding somewhere better. You deserve to work somewhere that values you. That place exists. You're allowed to go and find it.
If a toxic manager has knocked your confidence, made you question your abilities, or left you feeling stuck and unsure what to do next - that's exactly what coaching is for.
At Revie, we have coaches who specialise in career confidence, navigating difficult workplaces, and helping women reconnect with their own judgment after it's been undermined. No discovery calls. Just a real, focused session with someone who gets it.
